Don’t Expect

There’s a quote I remember from a long time ago:

The universe owes you absolutely NOTHING. You owe it to yourself to be awesome.

Unfortunately I can’t remember who I heard this quote from or where I had read it. But the message is still intact in my head. Do not, ever rely on anything or anyone to make you awesome, or worse, happy. Never ever expect anything from anyone.

Your best pals tells you everything. So what? Don’t expect them to listen to your stories.

Your best pals ask you how your day went. So what? Expect them to hear, but don’t expect them to listen.

Your best pals listen to you every time you blurt out whatever it is that’s been eating you. So what? Don’t expect them to understand.

You spend all day with a person and happily let go of your plans for theirs because you enjoy being with them. So what? Don’t expect them to ask you to go on that road trip next weekend.

You treat your pals out to dinner every now and then. So what? Don’t expect them to splurge on you.

You try to be funny. So what? Don’t expect anyone to laugh at your jokes.

You try so hard to make a person smile. So what? Don’t expect them to notice.

Somebody smiles to you. So what? Don’t expect them to actually care.

You try to be nice to the world. So what? The universe owes you NOTHING. Zilch. Nada. Null.

If you wanna be nice to the world, just be nice. But you need to somehow learn that that doesn’t automagically make the world be nice to you.

When You Are

When you’re happy, energetic, positive, funny, and inspiring, your friends get to know you.

When you’re sad, disappointed, angry, unapproachable, or just plain annoying, you get to know your friends.

Best Thing

Thanks for the lesson, dad :)
Thanks for the lesson, dad 🙂

Juno: I’m just like losing my faith with humanity.
Mac: Can you can narrow that down for me?
Juno: I just wonder if like, two people can ever stay together for good.
Mac: You mean like couples?
Juno: Yeah, like people in love.
Mac: Are you having boy troubles? Because I gotta be honest with you; I don’t much approve of dating in your condition, ’cause well… that’s kind of messed up.
Juno: Dad, no!
Mac: Well, it’s kind of skanky. Isn’t that what you girls call it? Skanky? Skeevy?
Juno: Please stop.
Mac: [persisting] Tore up from the floor up?

Juno: That’s not what it’s about. I just need to know that it’s possible that two people can stay happy together forever.
Mac: Well, it’s not easy, that’s for sure. Now, I may not have the best track record in the world, but I have been with your stepmother for 10 years now and I’m proud to say that we’re very happy.

[Juno nods]

Mac: Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.

Juno: Yeah. And I think I’ve found that person.

Mac MacGuff, in the movie Juno

The Magnificent Sunset

I took this picture at Ayana Resort, Jimbaran, Bali. We had planned to go to Rockbar and lounge there while enjoying the sunset, but the queue was quite long and we decided to just linger around the gardens. As it turns out, the view was not less breathtaking.
I took this picture at Ayana Resort, Jimbaran, Bali. We had planned to go to Rockbar and lounge there while enjoying the sunset, but the queue was quite long and we decided to just linger around the gardens. As it turns out, the view was not less breathtaking.
Up from the gardens, we could see Rockbar below us, and it makes for this scene. Had we decided to go on down there, it would have taken us an elevator ride, cost us about USD20 per person just for one drink, and because of the queue we would've missed the sunset altogether.
Up from the gardens, we could see Rockbar below us, and it makes for this scene. Had we decided to go on down there, it would have taken us an elevator ride, cost us about USD20 per person just for one drink, and because of the queue we would’ve missed the sunset altogether.

Loner In The Park

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This is Yoga, taking a break after wandering around in Kebun Raya Bedugul. Lush green views like this have become a luxury for city dwellers who are accustomed to concrete jungles and skyscrapers.

Just Point and Shoot!

Yoga's Camera
Yoga’s camera, one of many I will borrow or tinker with through the course of my learning. I still can’t afford to buy a DSLR at the moment because I have a few other things higher up the priority scale. Luckily, I’m surrounded by photography enthusiasts, so starting to learn something is as easy as borrowing one of their cameras.

The Fear Factor

This is just a summary of what the reverend said during this morning’s service.

Fear impairs, distorts, and ultimately destroys relationships. How? Let’s see…

First of all, let’s talk about the benefits of fear. Fear keeps you out of trouble. It safeguards you from dangerous things. Fear keeps you alive. Want proof? Why do you think we always look carefully left and right before crossing the road, even when we’re on a pedestrian crossing? Because we don’t want to get hit by a car. Why? Because we’re scared of getting hurt, we’re scared of getting injured, and we’re afraid of death. If we weren’t so scared of death, the world’s population might be a lot lower than it is today.

Alright then, on to the next question: what’s so bad about fear?

Fear distorts the way we think. Imagine you’ve stolen a car and you’re cruising around town. The fear in your mind keeps you alert and vigilant. But you’ll start getting paranoid. You’d think that every cop in town is going after you, and you’d even think some ordinary people are actually cops in civilian clothing. You’d be extra careful, but the paranoia would just make you jumpy, and then you’d start making mistakes that you wouldn’t have done if you had no fear. Also, fear makes us lie, because we think we can protect ourselves and the people and/or things that are of value to us by lying. Obviously, this will just make things worse.

Fear makes us possessive. If you think you own something, and you fear of losing it, you’d be extra careful about where you put it, how you treat it, and so on. That’s why people who own old indestructible Nokia phones are more easygoing about their phones than iPhone owners. Same thing with humans: if you think you own someone and you fear of losing them, you’d do all kinds of crazy things to keep that person yours. You’d be overprotective or just be plain annoying to that person, and in the end all that’s gonna get you is a bad end to your relationship.

Fear makes us focus on the wrong things. Imagine a room full of people, and then suddenly a guy appears at the door and starts shooting a machine gun. Two things will happen. First, people will scatter around, duck, run, and just find cover. This puts distance between people. After that, people who still survive will group together and just hold on so tightly to each other because of fear. This destroys everyone’s personal space. In this particular shooting scenario, we are supposed to follow our survival instincts, otherwise we’ll die. But in relationships, if we focus on our fear of losing someone or something, we may let our survival instincts take over. We then become so focused on preserving ourselves and what we think we own. The same things happen: we stay away, or we move too close. When people do this, relationships get strained and even destroyed.

So, the key to have a good relationship (or, as the reverend says it, a good fellowship), we must properly address our fears. Here are some examples.

Don’t be afraid of losing anything. If you are afraid of losing your phone, your money, your house, or even your spouse, you’re forgetting where you got those things in the first place. God gave us everything we own. If it hadn’t been for Him, we would’ve owned nothing. So why are we grasping so tightly on to things we think we own? We don’t need to be afraid of losing our job, our career, our money, our house, because He will provide for us. If we truly love someone, we don’t have to be afraid of losing them, because true love sets people free, it empowers people instead of putting them in a cage that we created. So what this means for us is that we need to change what drives us to do things. Do your job because you love it. Hang out with your boss not because you’re expecting a promotion but because he really is a good guy and you love conversing over a cup of coffee with him. Hang out with your friends because you enjoy being with them. Do good things to your crush/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse because you love them, not because you fear of losing them. When we can do this, we can be more sincere in everything we do, and we can have peace of mind because we’re not afraid of losing anything. We are free to be ourselves, free to express how we feel, and free to enjoy life as we should.

Don’t be afraid to give. People often hesitate to give because they think they don’t even have enough for themselves. Well, they should again remember who gave them all their stuff in the first place: God. Other people are afraid to give because they are afraid of rejection. They then shield themselves with masks and pretend to feel nothing, even though deep in their fragile hearts they yearn to express their love to other people. Simple example: some kids don’t want to go to school for fear of not getting any friends. They think other kids are mean even though they haven’t met anybody yet. Another example: teens or even adults back out of a possible relationship because they fear of getting rejected and hurt. Well hey, if you really love that person, you’ll be focusing on sincerely giving your love to him/her instead of protecting your own weak heart. If you get hurt because you’re rejected, then you’re not in love; you’re just seeking to control that one person that catches your attention (and perhaps spikes your hormone levels). When you give sincerely, with the correct motivation, and in the correct proportion (just enough — not less or more than what is needed), your gift will be a blessing and will enhance your relationship.

Don’t be afraid to be yourself. In a healthy relationship, no one is scared of being themselves. If, for example, a kid is afraid to tell her dad that she wants to study architecture because her dad wants her to go to med school, there’s something wrong with their relationship. A truly healthy relationship frees everyone to be themselves, completely, without compromising each person’s personal space, and without dissolving the unique personality of everyone involved. A good example is when we try to empathize with a friend who is sad. We try to put ourselves in her shoes, try to feel her pain and sadness. In the end, when she has recovered and is happy again, we end up being the grumpy guy because we’re still feeling her pain and sadness. That’s not empathizing, that’s sympathizing, and we end up losing our own self. We need to constantly remember that I am I, and you are you, and there is no way I can be you or you can be me. When we empathize with someone, we may attempt to understand their feelings and emotions, but we must always be aware that it is them who are feeling those feelings and emotions, not us.

So, what happens when fear is kicked out of our relationships? We can have a sincere, healthy, and balanced relationship. We can have a fulfilling relationship, one that enhances our experience of life and allows us to enjoy it as best we can. Let’s try.

Remembering

If you don’t remember me or what we are, I’m still your friend. I’ll remember for us both.

Thank You Alanis Morissette

This one’s an old song. But the lyrics just got me thinking…

I exist, but do I live?

Good question.

Thanks, Alanis, you really got me thinking this time.

How ’bout getting off of these antibiotics
How ’bout stopping eating when I’m full up
How ’bout them transparent dangling carrots
How ’bout that ever elusive kudos

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How ’bout me not blaming you for everything
How ’bout me enjoying the moment for once
How ’bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
How ’bout grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

The moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down

How ’bout no longer being masochistic
How ’bout remembering your divinity
How ’bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How ’bout not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence

Perceived True

The same good will and kind words can be “felt” very differently, depending on who said those words & what the perceived true intentions are.